SKU: 8601030963

你不必和每個人都合拍 (水島廣子)

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你不必和每個人都合拍 (水島廣子): Mizushima Hiroko 1. 2. Mizushima Hiroko AHJAttitudinal Healing Japan 2000620058 9

作者: 水島廣子(Mizushima Hiroko)  譯者:楊詠婷


 
       過度依賴、缺乏共識、一相處就渾身不自在……
  職場上、朋友圈,甚至是親人之間,
  面對「不合拍、不對盤、處不來」的人,
  不必強硬逼退、又不願委屈迎合,是否還有別的選擇?

  培養「放過力」,善用「低耗能」的巧妙回應,
  就能守護好自己的領域,和對方保持舒服的相處距離,
  讓你的人生更清爽、也更隨心所欲!

  面對「不合拍」的人,真的好困擾……
  ◎自作主張、隨意論斷的人   ◎情緒反覆、心思難測的人
  ◎打探隱私、愛下指導棋的人  ◎態度高傲、強詞奪理的人
  ◎步調不同,相處起來很累的人 ◎沒有理由,就是親近不起來的人……

  我們之所以會覺得某個人「不合拍、不對盤」,
  是因為對方讓我們產生了「無法控制的感覺」,而不能輕鬆地「做自己」。
  我們難以掌握對方的言行和事態的發展,無法確定對方能理解、接納我們。

  更糟糕的是,我們還會認為自己有這種針對性的反感,是因為個性太差、心胸狹窄,
  結果形成「討厭別人」也「責怪自己」的複合式情緒污染,承受更多壓力。

  不想被「不合拍」的人擾亂人生,
  就要擺脫「無法控制的感覺」,取回對現狀的主導權,
  而第一步就是先告訴自己:現在覺得「不合拍」也沒關係。

  真覺得跟誰處不來,就坦然接受現實,才能停止糾結;
  如果還無法自在地面對那個人,就暫時避免接觸;
  就算不擅察言觀色,總會找到適合自己的方式結交朋友……

  就像打網球,只要挑有把握的球回擊,失誤球就「放過」,
  在人際關係中,我們也不必要求自己面面俱到、或是立刻反制還擊,
  而是要先照顧好自己的心情,再視狀況成因決定用什麼方式、花多少力氣回應。

  人際關係療法專家水島廣子,直探人際相處中的困擾源頭,
  並針對各種「不合拍」的情境提供因應之道,
  把問題留在對方的領域,不讓自己的情緒被捲入波及。

  唯有在彼此之間拉開適當的距離、不再互相牽制,
  我們才能對自己的人生「獲得掌控感」,有餘裕向前邁進,
  也才有機會和不合拍的人重建更理想的互動。

  〈水島醫師的【退治不合拍之人】處方箋〉
  遇到對自己指手劃腳、隨意論斷的人→只要回答:「是喔,原來你是這樣想啊。」
  ——將對方說的話,留在「對方的領域」——

  每個人都有唯獨自己才了解的「領域」,當別人對我們指手劃腳,就等於是「侵害了我們的領域」,我們自然會惱火,認為對方沒有資格自作主張。

  會侵害他人領域的人,幾乎都是在「自我領域」不受尊重的環境下成長,他們的身邊只存在著強勢專斷者,所以完全不懂得要「尊重他人的領域」、「對自己的領域負責」。
  面對這樣的人,最好的做法就是劃清界限,明確地把「對方說的話,都當成是『對方的領域』裡發生的事。」

  例如,當對方擅自論斷「你真是小氣耶,出去玩都不揪一下。」只要回答:「是喔,原來你是這樣想啊。」重點就在於,不要洩漏「自己的領域」裡的任何訊息。無論喜歡或討厭,都不要說。
  換言之,對方只是在「他的領域」做出了某種論斷,和「我們的領域」沒有直接的關係。將這個狀況看成是發生在「對方的領域」,不要對號入座,我們就不會成為當事者,而能從容應對。

本書特色

  1. 直探核心的「低耗能」對策具有實用性
  作者一針見血地指出「無法控制感」才是「不合拍」困擾的真正根源,使讀者更能認清問題本質,捨棄無畏的焦慮執著,以精簡有效的策略來因應。

  2. 以人為本的「放過力」觀點具有療癒性
  作者強調,因故做出過分行為的不合拍對象,以及無法和對方好好相處的自己,兩方的處境都一樣需要被溫柔地包容和接納,基於人性理解所提出的論述深具療癒力,也讓彼此更沒有負擔。



作者

水島廣子(Mizushima Hiroko)

  精神科醫師,原眾議院議員、人際關係療法專科診所所長、日本態度療癒學會(AHJ;Attitudinal Healing Japan)代表。

  慶應義塾大學醫學院畢業、研究所修畢(醫學博士),曾任職慶應義塾大學醫學院精神神經科,目前為該科客座講師,是日本「人際關係治療」領域中首屈一指的權威。2000年6月至2005年8月,並以眾議院議員身分積極修正兒童虐待防治法等眾多法案。

  著有《找回自我肯定感,不再感到人生艱難》《女子的人間關係》《這樣就可以》《當你的心破碎時》《獲得「真正自信」的9個步驟》《如何消除身邊親近之人的攻擊》。

  
譯者

楊詠婷

  輔大大眾傳播系畢業,曾任出版社日文編輯,現為專職譯者。譯有《練習有風格》(仲間出版)《找回自我肯定感,不再感到人生艱難》《拋開過去,做你喜歡的自己:阿德勒的「勇氣」心理學》《百病起於寒》《乾薑排寒》(方舟文化)《上司的條件》(商周出版)《東京異聞》(獨步出版)等。
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SKU: 8601030963

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4.8 ★★★★★
Based on 12 reviews
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Amazon Customer
Lake Worth, US
★★★★★ 5
Good Product
Size: 3 Panel-102'', Color: Beige
I got these dividers for outdoor use for some privacy from neighbors. They arrived quickly and were easy to set up. They look good, and though the legs don’t offer stability against any amount of wind—which I expected as it wasn’t advertised for outdoor use—all it took was placing a cinder block on the feet to hold it up right. Coverage is good, it’s easy to fold and move as needed, and it’s light weight. All in all a decent product. I will caution the purchase of “used like-new,” as both of the dividers I ordered were previously returned items, and one came missing a cap, instructions were not included, and the poles were all mixed up and not properly labeled. If I had not ordered a second divider (which did include the instructions) I would have had a much harder time figuring out which pieces were which and how to put them together.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 30, 2025
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julie h.
Lake Worth, US
★★★★★ 5
So versatile! Perfect solution for dividing a room.
Size: 4 Panel-88'', Color: Grey, Size: 4 Panel-88'', Color: Grey
Perfect solution for my space. My office has to double as the hangout room for the kids and I wanted something that would block off my computer so it is left alone. This space allows me to close off my computer as much or as little as I want. It is lightweight yet has sturdy feet. This is important so that if it gets bumped it won’t topple over. The price was great and the build time wasn’t too bad! I would recommend two people for set up. I went with the grey panels and I think I’ll end up hanging some twinkle lights at some point. Great purchase!
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Reviewed in the United States on October 9, 2025
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Abbi
Charlottesville, US
★★★★★ 4
4/5 Stars
Size: 4 Panel-88'', Color: Black
Very tall and easy to set up, the only thing I will say is that they do have large gaps in between, so you won't have 100% privacy unless you add a curtain in the back. Other than that, they are easy to fold, sturdy, and esy to assemble. The gaps are an easy fix so I would say they are worth it.
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Reviewed in the United States on April 16, 2026
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Tyi Campbell
Birmingham, US
★★★★★ 5
Great product and worth the money.
Size: 4 Panel-88'', Color: Black
Portable and stable. Perfect size and gives me the privacy I need when working from home. Stability is great as long as you place the stands correctly it won't wobble. I love it.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 8, 2026
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Mona T.
Port Orchard, US
★★★★★ 5
Attractive
Size: 4 Panel-88'', Color: Grey
The assembled product is just as described. The screens look great! I am using them to hide the cluttered shelving in my garage. The area now looks quite neat Something I must say, though, is that the assembly was extremely difficult. I had to use a silicone spray and some pounding to get the A and B poles to fit together. Also, it required a great deal of strength to stretch and hold the fabric panels so that the bars inserted in each hem lines up with the screws inserted in A/B poles. I strongly recommend having a partner to help with the assembly. while sc and screw into poles them once inserted intetchedtne end of each pole ( and B poles barely fit together. I used silicone spray on the end and then pounded them
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Reviewed in the United States on December 12, 2025

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