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Amateur Childbirth: Your Afterlife Is Cancelled - VINYL LPTitle: Your Afterlife Is Cancelled Artist: Amateur Childbirth Label: Blackest Ever Black Product Type: VINYL LP UPC: 5055869559515 Genre: Rock Release Date: 2017 09 22 Number of Discs: 1 This is Amateur Childbirth's "Christian Rock" album. The previous LP from Ivan Matthew Hick's solo project, 2013's Pripyat, concerned itself with the blighted belief systems of UFO worshippers. Your Afterlife Is Cancelled expands this compelling solo project's field
Title: Your Afterlife Is CancelledArtist: Amateur Childbirth
Label: Blackest Ever Black
Product Type: VINYL LP
UPC: 5055869559515
Genre: Rock
Release Date: 2017-09-22
Number of Discs: 1
This is Amateur Childbirth's "Christian Rock" album. The previous LP from Ivan Matthew Hick's solo project, 2013's Pripyat, concerned itself with the blighted belief systems of UFO worshippers. Your Afterlife Is Cancelled expands this compelling solo project's field of enquiry to look at a wider array of "religious anomalies": cults, for want of a better word. Each song is about a different such anomaly. To call Hicks's vision apocalyptic would be to underplay it's cruelty. The Bible's rampant sadism pales in comparison. This is a world where faith - in a god or gods, in astrology, morality, or any meaning whatsoever - is merely a prelude to punishment. His lyrics are vivid glossaries of pain, abjection and indignity; the songs' protagonists swim in blood, piss, shit, and ejaculate. Eschatology and scatology are indivisible here. Drugs are rampantly abused, albeit to little benefit. There are scalpel-flashes of humor in David's wordplay, rhyming and dour Brisbane diction - but this offers scant consolation for the songs' embattled subjects, who wait, in vein, for salvation, while crows peck out their eyes, blood pours from their ears, and psoriasis ravages their skin. These words, for all their pessimism and body-horror, are cradled in minimalist, folk-rock arrangements that are quite dazzling in their beauty and grievously earned simplicity: Hicks's monochord strum embellished with subtle violin, synthesizer, and percussion shading. Amateur Childbirth's caustic end-times worldview inevitably prompts comparisons with Current 93, but also a wider (non-)tradition of caustic and disturbed loner psych that includes Simon Finn, Patrik Fitzgerald, Robyn Hitchcock, Peter Jefferies, and Roy Harper. Your Afterlife Is Cancelled is a depressive tour de force from one of the most crushingly eloquent voices in the Australian underground.
Tracks:
1.1 My Throat = Abyss of Tar
1.2 Emissary of Light
1.3 Alive with Desire
1.4 Portents to Beauty
1.5 Iridescent Effigy to Hades
1.6 In Greenland, Alone
1.7 Lithium Hangover Ordinary Morphine
1.8 High Calvinism
1.9 All Doomed
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4.3 ★★★★★
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Product Reviews
★★★★★ 1
A total joke.
Pattern Name: Cage Ball, Size: Large - 4 Inch / 8.5 oz
I was so hopeful and really wanted this to be as good as the sellers claimed. After all, they boast of a lifetime replacement (a joke and be sure to read the ridiculous terms lol). I have a "pocket pitty" and she loves rubber toys. There is not much I have found that can withstand her force; however, reading reviews AND seeing their warranty, I wanted to give it a try. Typically, I stick with Java wood and XL super dense knotted ropes, as that has been the only thing that can last any real amount of time. Thankfully, she never goes after our stuff or household items/furniture, just her toys.
The ball arrived. I checked it over. It looked semi promising. I was hopeful. The design does allow for them to leverage their paw strength by getting it between the rubber bars and then pull with their teeth. Within 3 minutes of her having it, she already had a bar ripped off. Within 5 minutes, she had 3 bars ripped off. Don't get me wrong, she had a blast. But this is by no means strong enough for an actual aggressive chewer. Perhaps there is just not anything rubber that can handle her jaws, but now I can't get a replacement because the warranty only covers if the product is defective. It doesn't cover chewing damage (on any of their products). The advertising is very misleading so be aware. Why a replacement if she will just destroy it again you may wonder? She loves to go after a ball, but now I know she can kill this one, I keep them in a drawer and only let her play fetch with it while supervised.
I will say though, I you have a puppy, I think this would be great for them as long as they are not extra large. The material has give, which is nice. But if you have a real aggressive chewer, don't waste the money.
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Reviewed in the United States on March 7, 2023
★★★★★ 4
Not indestructible, but is very tough.
Pattern Name: Ball, Size: Large - 3 Inch / 12 oz
My dog destroyed this, but it took a little longer than it usually does. Would love to know how the lifetime replacement works. There is no information that I see on how to contact the seller.
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Reviewed in the United States on December 8, 2025
★★★★★ 5
Would buy again
Pattern Name: Cage Ball, Size: Large - 4 Inch / 8.5 oz
This is a great ball! Both my dogs love it. Queensland is a heavy chewer and I can see no damage. Catahoula loves to fetch and kick after kick and retrieval this ball shows no wear. It’s easy to pick up and is a good size for my dogs.
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Reviewed in the United States on December 11, 2025
★★★★★ 5
Very Durable Ball
Pattern Name: Cage Ball, Size: Large - 4 Inch / 8.5 oz
This ball has held up to regular puppy chewing for 3 months now. At first I was worried my retriever would get her mouth stuck in it, but it hasn't been a problem since she has gotten bigger. Supervision required for smaller pups.
One thing to note is that the ball was shipped with a strong rubber smell, but that has gone away with use and washing. Super easy to clean!
It is a heavier ball making it bounce well and it doesn't damage the walls.
Super durable. She's been chewing on it every day and there is no damage to it at all. The scratches, holes, or pieces missing. It's stayed intact for months!
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Reviewed in the United States on October 6, 2023
★★★★★ 3
Good ball, but not really for super chewers
Pattern Name: Ball, Size: Large - 3 Inch / 12 oz
This ball is tough...my (foster) dog is tougher. It is a heavy rubber ball, but my Staffordshire bull terrier is able to destroy these balls within about a couple of hours. We never let him chew on these unmonitored. If you have a moderate chewer, this is probably ok for your dog; for any super chewers, you might want to pass.
We first bought one of these balls when we learned our foster dog (fresh out of the shelter) had heartworms. We knew we had to keep him occupied somehow, and it is by far his favorite toy (he loves the doughnut-shaped toy as well). We bought MANY of these during his heartworm treatment. Now that he is done with his treatment we won't buy any more of these. They are expensive for what they are. And just be aware that the lifetime warranty only applies to material or manufacturing flaws...not the actual toughness of the product.
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Reviewed in the United States on June 16, 2025
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